Kylie's journal

So I haven't updated in forever, and I decided to do it now. I graduated, high school is completely done, and it's the craziest feeling. I can't wait till NAU, college is going to be so much fun, and it's great to be able to start all over again, I really have to focus on school when I get up there, I want to get into the nursing program and you have to have really good grades to be accepted.

I just went to see the movie Crash and it was amazing. It was the craziest, most dramatic and best movie I have seen in a long long time. Everyone needs to go see it, you won't be disappointed.

That's all for now, I have an interview in the morning, so I need to go to bed... I really hope that I get this job!

It's just starting to hit me about how little school i have left in my highschool career, i think it's down to about 40 days... that is insane! i can't believe it, and in a few months, i'll be living four hours away, completely exciting and terrifying all at the same time. what am i going to do without my mom to take care of me? scary, scary! oh, and my grades suck a little bit, and i can't ditch anymore, and my case for nationals was approved, so i get to go to anaheim and compete. yay! ok, well, i'm gonna go to bed, the food from the deca banquet made me feel damn sick, maybe i should puke it up, those were some gross ass enchiladas, that's all i got to say.

i have exciting plans for saturday, damn exciting plans, i love being 18!

Just got home from work, and it sucked. We got so busy towrds the end of the night, so everything we cleaned was dirty all over again. I've been feeling sick lately, everytime I eat anything, I feel really nauseated. Oh well, maybe this way I'll lose weight... haha, just kidding. Went to phoenix with DECA, it was okay, the job fair thing was stupid but the suns game was awesome. I still haven't decided whether or not I'm going to prom. I want to, but I don't have money, a dress or a date.

I was reading my yearbook from sophmore year, and that was by far my best year of high school. I still had really good grades, I was close to a lot of people who I'm not close with anymore, I still played soccer, I didn't have a job to worry about and I liked my dance class a lot more. Then I realized that the reason I went to Tucson High was for dance, and I absolutely hate my dance class now. I mean, I'm not even dancing in the next show, I'm the freakin stage manager. I'm still trying to figure out what happened during these past two years that has changed me so much... it's weird.

I just decided that I really want to go to prom... I probably won't because I have no money, but I do want to go, I need a rich boyfriend, that would solve my prom dilemna... haha, do rich high school boys exist?

I stole this from Kavina's journal, and it sounded just like her... this makes me sound kinda slutty and deranged...

You scored as Goofy. Your alter ego is Goofy! You are fun and great to be around, and you are always willing to help others. You arn't worried about embarrassing yourself, so you are one who is more willing to try new things.

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Goofy

56%

Cinderella

56%

The Beast

50%

Cruella De Ville

50%

Sleeping Beauty

50%

Peter Pan

44%

Donald Duck

44%

Pinocchio

38%

Ariel

31%

Snow White

13%

Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego?
created with QuizFarm.com

Oh, I forgot during my last entry... Countdown to my b-day, April 3rd for those of you who forgot... 6 days till I'm 18!!!

The family reunion was so much fun! I had a great time... here's a list of the highlights...

Getting to drive my cousin's mini cooper
Spending the entire time with my cousin Adri, who is my other half
Riding horses a billion times, and then being told that I was a good rider
Swimming and sunbathing all afternoon on Sunday, which resulted in a little bit of a tan
Having a dance party marathon all night on Sunday... to 80's songs!
Riding a bike to Mexico, we were only a mile away, and then having all the Mexicans hit on my cousins and I... it was so funny!
Spending time with everybody!

There was one big disappointment though, my brother Kevin only went to Kartchner Caverns on Friday, was supposed to come down on Saturday and never showed up. He was the only one of the entire family missing, so I was a little sad, and when I called him, he proceeded to hang up on me.

Unfortunately, my camera is momentarily broken, but my mom took a ton of pictures, so maybe I'll scan some and put them on here, but knowing me, probably not...

wow, long time since an update, been busy I guess. Today is actually my first day off work in a week and a half and now I have six days off in a row! woohoo! I have a family reunion this weekend, and I am so excited! I'm actually gonna go get my cousin Shay from the airport in a few hours, and I can't wait to see him. We're actually having our reunion at a ranch... what could be more fitting for my family than a ranch? a trailer park maybe... haha, just kidding! So yeah, no more school for 5 days, and then on weds. I'm going to Phoenix with DECA again. Speaking of deca, me and monica won at state and we're going to nationals in anaheim next month. Cool stuff... well, I have to go do laundry and clean my room before company arrives, so I'll try to write more when we get back.

a hair tragedy... that's what this is... the box said brown, but my hair isn't brown... oh no, it's red... like bozo... yeah, i'm talking about the clown... remember that Full House when DJ dyed Kimmy's hair, and it turned out red? kind of like that, without as much poof... i laughed for about ten minutes when i saw it, and my mom just laughed at me... she was hardly awake, and she still managed to laugh... man, no more walgreen's dye for me... i thought i would be smart by saving money, turns out that i'm not so smart... when will i remember that i'm not allowed to make important choices by myself? or with the help of only shaunda? oh well, it's just hair... time for bed, i need to sleep before the deca competition...

Tonight was a good night at work, even with the new floorset and all of that. Me and Shaunda thought the ADS goal was $48, and we were freaking out, but it was only $38, so we ended up getting it up to 48 anyways, which makes me happy. We were in such good moods that it was weird. Even when people yelled at me because they think pacbucks is a rip off, I just smiled and said something polite, even though I would normally yell. Then there were about 5 really cute guys who came in, so Shaunda and I were of course flirting with them, and when they came to pay, all of them had glamour shots of their gf in their wallets. So funny! It literally happened 5 times in a row.

Not looking forward to school tomorrow. I've decided to do another solo in dance instead of just wasting my time by sitting on the floor doing absolutely nothing. I think I have bad grades in all of my classes and grades come out next week. uh-oh! I'm still stuck in my math class, which is actually kinda fun because I really like all of the people in there and it's a fun class to be in when you don't do anything because you know you're dropping it. good times... don't have that class tomorrow though.

I've decided to post flyers all over school campainging for a prom date. Some guys go for that whole desperate thing... haha, just kidding.

The end of this month is going to be crazy. I have a family reunion for 5 days, then I go to Phoenix the day after we get back with DECA, plus I have a DECA competition on the 8th and 9th. I'm going to miss a lot of school... oh well, at least these absences will be excused.

I feel like eating a bean and cheese burrito from Filiberto's and watching Aladdin. I don't know why, those just sound good to me right now. Speaking of movies, I watched Troy today, and I forgot how sad that movie is because they kill Brad Pitt. He's too pretty to die...

Good night

i'm sick... i don't know what it's from. either food poisoning or the flu, and i can't sleep because then i just have to get up to throw up. i'm supposed to work for nine hours tomorrow.

today he decided that we're just friends. he pretty much told me that i'm not attractive enough for him. feels great knowing that i'll never be pretty enough. oh well.

i'm gonna go watch the finale of america's next top model and try to sleep.

My mom just painted the bathroom a "burn-your-retinas" orange. It's so bright! It's funny though, at least it's her bathroom and not mine...

I am officially tired of the puppy. Now, he and Amos are out of control, and Oscar keeps provoking Amos, thinking it's just playing, but then Amos gets mad and tries to bite him. I have to sit there and babysit because my dad thinks that this is normal. ummmm.... what? What is normal about hurting a puppy? So, I just put Oscar in his pin, and left to come over to my mom's house because I was going crazy! I haven't had work for almost three days, and I'm so not used to it, that I can't enjoy doing nothing. It really sucks... I found a yoga workout yesterday, so I did it, and now my entire body aches. But it's a good ache, the kind you get when you know you've actually done something productive. I'm going to try to exercise every day, because I'm really out of shape and it sucks... we'll just see how long I stay motivated. I tend to get bored with things really quickly, so I dunno... I watched that movie Road House today with Patrick Swayze and it was so funny! I never noticed his hair before and how much volume it has, it's a little bit out of control. Well, I guess I better go to my dad's house and deal with the idiot dogs...

I absolutely can't fall asleep and it is so annoying! I slept all day, and now I can't fall asleep. This is by far the thing that annoys me the most, not being able to fall asleep. I was gonna drink some nyquill, but we don't have any. Oh well, I'll just write about my weekend...

Friday I stayed home from school because I was tired after the DECA trip, and I just wanted to sleep. Then, my dad and I went to lunch, and I went into work at 5. I got off at ten, called my dad and asked if I could go out with Shaunda, and he started yelling at me because I didn't want to hang out with him. So, I went home, and after we yelled at each other for about 10 minutes, I went to watch tv, and he came in, sat down and started talking to me like everything was normal, that's how drunk he was, he didn't even remember being mad at me. So, after 20 minutes of that, he went to bed, and I left and didn't come home until 3 a.m.
Saturday my dad and I went to El Dorado on Park and Ajo for some mexican breakfast. I had chilaquiles, and they were so good! Then, I worked from 1 to 6, and I decided to stay at home with my mom since I never spend time with her anymore. We rented Little Black Book and King Arthur and spent the night watching movies and eating way too much junk food.
Today I actually didn't have to work, so I slept all day, then met shaunda for her break, then went out to eat at the Olive Garden with Shaunda, Amy and Tara. That was fun, and I couldn't stop laughing.

This week should be pretty easy, friday schedule tomorrow, late start on tuesday and wednesday, and no school on thursday and friday. Plus the fact that I get to drop my math class... woohoo!! I am very excited about that last one. Ok, well, I guess I might try to sleep some more....

Guess what I found during my cleaning?!

hair pomade
4 pairs of pajama pants from shaunda
numerous cd's
clothes i forgot i had
books that were supposed to be turned into school
dance costumes (i.e. brown unitard, brown shirt, black leotard and flowery skirt)
a billion dollars in change
my reef sandals
vans shoes
lots of socks

I did 4 loads of laundry, and I put 3 away and I can't fit anymore into my drawers. I think that I don't realize how many clothes I have because they're spread out between my mom's house, my dad's house, my backpack, the car and of course, the floor. But tonight, I decided to clean ALL of my clothes, and it was a lot. I still have shirts from soccer tournaments from my teams in 6th grade all the way up to a couple years ago. Oh, and I think I have a pair of underwear for every day of the year... it's out of control! Geez, I'm so gross, I'm going to be a horrible roomate. haha, it'll be Monica anyways, who's almost as dirty as me.

I watched Wife Swap and these people actually live in a bus! and they think there is nothing wrong with it. The girls hadn't been to school for a couple of years I think, and it's just the craziest thing ever because their parents don't want them to have friends! Whoa, it was weird. Ok, so I'm tired and I have to get up early so I can take a shower...

I feel like listing the exciting things in my life right now...

I am going to drop my math class because I got a 20% on my last test. yay! no more math!
I get to go to Phoenix tomorrow and see my brother.
I actually accomplished something that I said I would for dance and got a quote for how much are sweatshirts are gonna cost.
I got to argue with my dance teacher about my "smart remarks" and I won.
I spent the afternoon watching Napoleon Dynamite and eating chips with spicy queso dip.
I didn't get called into work today.
My mom isn't mad about the fact that I'm dropping my math class.

And now the bad...

I left my wallet in the badger den today while I was working, and the teacher said it wasn't there anymore.
My dad actually asked me why no boys gave me valentines.
I have to clean my room today because my mom says that it's disgusting, even though all need is one good pathway to my bed. haha, I'm gross.
I feel sick from eating too much spicy queso dip.
My puppy ripped a hole in my new pants last night when he tried to bite me.
Santa Rita is going on the Phoenox trip with us tomorrow and I went to middle school with all of those bitches...

Look, that bad isn't that bad, except that I lost my wallet, and it sucks my ass to have to go get all new stuff that was in there, plus there was $25 in there. I plan on making a list of what I find in my room after I clean it, it should be fun... haha...

Yay! I just got to talk to my brother phil for 30 minutes, and I haven't talked to him in a long time. It was nice, I miss my brother, but I get to see him on Thursday. I'm going to Phoenix with DECA and we have about three hours to kill waiting for the Suns game to start, so phil is probably going to hang out with me then. I think we're gonna go see a movie or something like that. Good, fun stuff. I love being with him, because he's the only one besides Kevin who understands what I go through with my dad. He has advice for me when I think I'm gonna die from my dad's insanity, and he just reminds me that going away to college is going to be the best thing for me because he went to ASU and he has to deal with a lot less of my dad's shit, especially since my dad's not talking to him anymore... again... It's different with him than kevin because kevin was always my dad's favorite. People say that no parents have a favorite, but Kevin definitely is. Even when kevin screws my dad over again and again, my dad always says, "He's a good kid, he's just confused right now." What? Are you kidding me, Phil made one mistake and my dad kicked him out of the house and took away his laptop. Kevin has alienated his entire family for his girlfriend's family, and my dad is ready to be his best friend again. Kevin is actually going to spend time in Benson with his gf instead of coming to our family reunion in March. All of the cousins are going to be there, and we aren't ever all together except every few years, so it's really fucked up that he's not going to go. I called him a couple of weeks ago, because I wanted to talk to him and see how he was doing, and he didn't even want to talk to me. He was with Crystal, and said he would call me back later. I called him the next day, left a message and never got a reply. Whatever, I'm done ranting, this entry wasn't even going to be about this, I just wanted to write about how glad I was that I talked to Phil and how much I love my brothers and that I really miss them.

Oh yeah, happy valentine's day to anyone with a bf/gf! As for the rest of us, it's almost over... no more red roses or heart balloons (which I had to spend all day selling, but not recieving) for an entire year. Oh, and I made it better because I gave my mom this card that was supposed to be for your husband, and when you open it, this lady is holding a trophy that folds out and says, "Rear of the Year." My mom and I have a great relationship, I just realized this pretty recently because I don't know anybod else who would give their mom a card with the words rear of the year. hahaha! Oh and I went to work and bought these christmas boy brief panties for 75% off, so a pack of four only cost me $4.87! What a deal, they're the perfect kind to sleep in, and they have penguins sledding on them, what's better than sledding penguins!?

So tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I'm actually kinda excited. I bought a box of Lizzie Mcguire Valentine's Day cards and some suckers, so it should be funny. I watched the notebook last night with Shaunda, and then we did Darin's Dance Grooves. So funny!!! I had to work today and it wasn't too bad because Tara wasn't working. That's sad, but true. So, funny thing happened today before work. I was walking to my dresser in my room to and all of the sudden, I stepped on my phone charger which was laying with the pieces you put into the wall pointing straight up. It hurt sooooo bad! My foot has these two marks where the plug went into my foot, but it didn't break the skin, so there is blood underneath the surface of my skin, it's swollen and bruised and on the worst part of my foot, right in the middle where I put all of my weight when I step down. And the saddest part was the fact that I didn't see it because it was mixed in with all of my dirty clothes. I am so dirty, I definitely need to clean my room, and it actually took a puncture wound to my foot before I realized that. Gross. I have to write three essays by tuesday, and I have a math test to fail tomorrow, there is absolutely no way I'm going to be able to turn everything in on time. It sucks my ass. I'm going to Phoenix on thursday with deca, and I'll get to see my brother. YAY! I haven't seen him since Christmas, and he still has my present too. Well, I better go get ready for bed...

Lately, everything has been irritating me, and I don't know why. Things that people say to me that I woul normally just laugh off have been putting me in the worst mood ever, and then everyone ends up getting mad at me when I yell at them. It's the weirdest thing because there's this little voice in the back of my head asking me why I'm making such a big deal over it, but I just keep going. I usually don't get mad, and I hate it when I am, because I'm so mean. I can't help it, I realize what I'm doing, but I can't make myself stop. Yelling at someone who pisses me off is so relieving. It's like being on a diet for a month and then eating the biggest hot fudge sundae you can find. That's how good it feels when I vent my anger to someone. And I know my friends and my parents take it, because after working for 5 hours as the greeter and having one in every ten people actually say hi to me, I leave in the worst mood. Plus the fact that Tara always has to make fun of the way that I look in one way or another. I already have horrible self esteem and then she'll come in and tell me how bad I look or make fun of my clothes or my hair, anything! It makes me feel like shit, and she doesn't know when to stop. She is the one person I would love to yell at, I would feel ten times better, but she's my boss and it'll have to wait until I quit in July. But she'll be really pregnant then, and I think that I'll probably burn in hell for eternity if I yell at pregnant woman. Like right now for example, I'm in a bad mood and I'm really pissed off at someone and I'll probably end up yelling at someone else so that I don't hurt their feelings. That's the problem, I can never seem to yell at the right person at the right time. I'll just bring it up a month later like it was all really funny, even though it wasn't. Oh, and that movie "The Wedding Date," such a good movie, but it put me in a bad mood too because I realized how alone I am now, and probably always will be, because really, I have nothing to offer. That's why I never have serious relationships with boys because I'm afraid they'll realize that I don't have anything for them. Wow, I just put myself in an even worse mood, time for some tv and some ice cream...

You remember the baby I wrote about? The really sick one that CPS took away from her parents? Well, eight days after being in casa de los ninos, she contracted a horrible sickness and is now in the hospital in intensive care because she can hardly breathe because she's coughing so much. Way to go social worker... After I heard this I wanted to vomit. It literally made me sick. I still can't think about it without wanting to cry, I'm so mad about it that I don't know what to do.

And to make things even better... my stepgrandpa is in the hospital. He has really bad diabetes, so all the extra sugar in his blood started to clog up his veins, and there wasn't any blood circulating through his legs, to his feet. His foot started to turn black, so he had to get a vein bypass in his leg in order to help blood flow to his feet. Well, didn't work so well, so they amputated two of his toes. That's not working, so they're amputating the front half of his foot tomorrow. I went to see his a few times, and today was the worst I've seen him. He was in so much pain that he kept kicking and squirming and I couldn't bear to see him like that. The nurse was cleaning and redressing his foot, and it was the most horrible thing I've seen that close. I can't imagine what he must be feeling, I don't know what I would do if I was him. His wife and kids talk about this like it's no big deal, even though he almost died after his last surgery, and I don't know how they do it. Maybe it's their way of dealing with things, but after seeing it I began to feel sick yet again, and I couldn't act like nothing was wrong, I'm so worried, I don't know how to deal with all of this stress, I'm actually tense from my neck to my feet and it hurts, and I can't stop thinking about these two lives that could be gone as soon as tomorrow... as soon as today... as soon as right now...

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